Breast Pest

I found another lump in my breast this week and I'm absolutely terrified of what the Breast Clinic will tell me this time.

It's the third big one and although I'm a believer in everything happening in threes (so call me superstitious), I worry that the lumps associated with the previous scares may have felt slightly different to this one.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with lumpy breasts. Essentially, my breasts are made up of ridiculously large cysts - so large that if the clinic drained them all you'd have trouble making me out in a line-up of young boys.

The draining process is particularly uncomfortable. With no anaesthetic to lessen my anxiety (my body tenses which increases the pain quotient considerably), I was forced to grin and bare it as a supersized needle pierced each of my breasts in turn and extracted a whole lot of fluid. My cysts were of the maxi variety so it took a couple of goes per cyst to effectively drain them. My doctor joked that if she removed them all there'd be no breast left so she chose not to drain them all, much to my husband's delight.

I've felt worse pain, I told myself as the needle was forced into my left breast. I've given birth twice and there's nothing more painful than that. The difference is that unless you're a Scientologist, you're allowed to scream and shout obscenities when attempting to force another person out of your body. It's expected of you, almost a surprise if you don't. Whereas in the quiet of a breast clinic, bellowing in agony and threatening to harm your partner unless the pain stops immediately isn't really the done thing.

But as with childbirth you're expected to forget about the pain so that you'll return for an annual checkup. The thing is, the memory of last year's draining is still so very fresh for me. I can see the needle coming toward me as I blog. How do I bring myself to go back for another round - even if that is what I'm praying will be the necessary outcome? The alternative is clearly far worse.

Why does everything to do with female health involve a fair amount of discomfort? Yes, we're clearly the tougher gender but we don't need to be reminded of it every time we do the right thing by our bodies.


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